When I first crossed paths with my husband, Jim, back in 2012, I was divorced and single again for twenty-two years, while he was learning to navigate life after losing his wife ten years earlier. He was my realtor on a quest to find the perfect home ahead of my move to Idyllwild. For a whole year, we exchanged messages and explored countless options, each interaction deepening our rapport.

Every other month, I would drive up to Idyllwild to lead a retreat at Spirit Mountain, and during those visits, Jim and I would explore homes together. It was during our second outing that something magical began to unfold. As we rode around the enchanting landscape, our conversations drifted away from just houses to our families and personal stories. It felt so refreshingly natural—like a breath of fresh air compared to the impersonal encounters of online dating.

Jim was a true gentleman, opening the door for me every time we hopped in and out of his Navigator. It felt like a lovely throwback to a bygone era—a gesture I hadn’t experienced in years. I often felt guilty for monopolizing his time while we wandered through houses I wouldn’t even consider buying, but he simply smiled and assured me, “We’ve just begun. There are so many more homes to see.”

As we spent time together, it became clear just how deeply he loved his late wife and her family, who included five adult children and several grandchildren. He had been by her side during her seven-year battle with cancer, and it left me in awe of his character. Was there still a man out there like this—thoughtful, courteous, and genuinely caring? It felt like I had found a rare gem.

After just two days of meaningful conversations and laughter, I realized I wanted to date Jim. However, I knew I needed to tread carefully and not rush our connection. It wasn’t until I officially moved to Idyllwild in 2013 that I felt comfortable reaching out to him for help installing a fan and a light fixture in my rental—little did I know what the future held! By 2016, we were celebrating a delightful family destination wedding that echoed with joy.

When I moved into Jim’s home—originally his late wife Franny’s—I approached it with a heart full of respect. I was acutely aware that this home carried memories of her, and I was profoundly grateful that she had shaped him into the wonderful person he was. It truly felt like she had polished his best qualities, and rather than jealousy, I felt admiration for the love they had shared.

Recently, I stumbled upon one of their many photographs together, and a wave of honesty washed over me. I sensed a different kind of love in that image, one that provoked a twinge of jealousy for the very first time. I had always honored their love, marking important dates like her birthday and their wedding anniversary on my calendar, striving to be sensitive to Jim’s feelings during those moments.

Even in the happiness, love, and contentment swirling around our marriage, a hint of insecurity nudged at me, prompting a pivotal question: “What were three things you loved about Franny?” After a thoughtful pause, Jim’s response was simple yet profound: “There wasn’t any one particular thing I loved about her. I loved the whole package—her kindness, goodness, and caring. Just like I love you—your whole package, the person you are. You’re like the two bookends that complete my life.”

This heartfelt exchange ignited a new perspective within me. What more could any woman ask for from the man she loves? I’m so glad I approached this with curiosity rather than blame or shame. Instead of allowing insecurities to sabotage our connection, I opened the door to explore new ways to express my love for him. And in return, I received more than I could have ever imagined—a love that reaffirmed our bond.

Dr. M.P. Wylie 

Founder and Director of Amore Retreat in Idyllwild, CA